Stoplight red. Stoplight red. Stoplight red. Come on, little light, turn. Turn. Turn. You’re killing me.
My left foot was tapping on the floor of my car. I could tell people on the sidewalk were staring – it sounded like a woodpecker was loose in the car pounding away. No, folks, it’s just the tense vampire. Pardon me.
Here I was on my way to see Esme and Carlisle, the parents who had welcomed me into their lives so many years ago. Theirs were the hands that embraced me warmly when I showed up on their doorstep; theirs were the eyes I had grown to love in their amber beauty. I wasn’t just like them, I was one of them, and they let me know it every day.
“It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,” I was chanting under my breath, fidgeting in my seat. My eyes were roving, from the road to the rearview mirror to the side mirror to the rearview mirror to the road to my fingernails…I didn’t think nervous is a strong enough word.
Why was I being like this? I was a mess, a pixie hot mess. Even my hair was clenched. Wasn’t I the one who could see the future? Come on, Alice. Get it together.
Why then?
And then it hit me. I should not be allowed this. I should not have the luxury of love. I was a bloodsucker – an ethical vampire, but an undead bloodsucker nonetheless. More than that, I was gay. I was a lesbian. A freak among freaks. And I was bringing someone into my life whom I was condemning to this existence.
The thing was, it was much more than an existence for me for the past 6 months. That time with Bella had altered me in ways I could never have imagined, visions or not. I had never lain awake at night holding someone. There were many, many women – and a few men – in my bed over the years but none of them held a candle to my Bella. My Bella. She was mine, and I was hers.
She could have anyone on the planet, and she chose me. She chose me. Of course, I didn’t put up much of a fight – my heart was hers the moment I laid eyes on her. I never wanted another lover as much. And for some unknown reason, she wanted me too.
The haze was forming in my peripheral vision…here we go, another glimpse. Esme’s asking me if I know what I’m doing. Does Bella know about me? Of course, I assure her. She kind of noticed I’m a tad chilly.
Carlisle is reaching out his hand to me, taking mine.
And that’s it. My eyes refocus, and I continued driving. Why wasn’t it playing all the way out? I had seen it play out so many times before…why this time did it cut off there? What’s wrong?
“Crap.” It’s all I could say.
I grabbed my phone off the passenger seat. Flipping it open, I press and hold 4 – it’s Edward’s number. He of all people could help me out on this one.
“Hey, Alice,” he answered nonchalantly, the little bastard. He knew how much I was fretting.
“Edward. Spill.”
He paused. It was less than a second of a pause, but he knew it would be enough to drive me further up the wall. He knew just which buttons to push with me, he always had.
“About what?” he teased. Bastard.
“Edward Anthony Masen Cullen,” I yelled into the phone. “You know very well what I’m talking about!”
“Tsk tsk, little pixie. Such language.” I was going to demolish his car for this, first chance I got. When I heard Jasper chuckle in the background, I vowed to make sure his BMW was on the chopping block as well.
I breathed in and out. Saccharin sweetness was my next move. “Oh dearest brother of mine, please do tell how your conversation with our parents went.”
“Oh, that,” he chuckled. “Well, sister, I think things are going to be fine. Just be open, be honest, and remember that they love you.”
That was it? That was all I was going to get from him? “Edward, how did it go? I’m dying here! I’m on the road, with all these innocent pedestrians nearby, and I’m about to swerve onto the sidewalk. Pleeease, Edward, please tell me!”
Again with the chuckle. “I’m telling you, everything will be fine. They have questions, and rightly so. Just be prepared to answer honestly.” His voice softened. “They love you. They trust you. You have to trust them, too, Alice.”
I sighed, my fear edging away slightly. “Thanks, Edward. That’s all I needed to hear.”
“Good, baby sister. Now get over here.”
I gasped. What? “Um, Edward, where exactly is here?” I knew the answer before I even asked.
“Why, Alice, I’m sitting here with Mom and Dad. Love you. Bye.” Click.
That little prick. Did he not know to leave the freaking room to take my call?
-o-o-o-o-o-
Edward POV
Everyone’s eyes were on me as I flipped my phone shut. I scanned the room, the three faces that were glaring at me open-mouthed. “What?” I asked
“Edward,” Esme started, “why did you do that? You know how nervous she is!” Mom was always admonishing me about my treatment of Alice.
I sat back, crossed my ankle over my other knee, and threw my arm over the back of the couch around Jasper’s shoulders. “She’s okay, Mom,” I reassured her, probably a little dismissively.
Jasper smacked my thigh. I knew he did it just to appease Mom, to make her think he was chastising me, but I heard his thoughts. Darlin’, she’s going to get you good for that, and probably me if she heard me laughing. Damn, she’s going to kill your car again.
“Son,” Carlisle spoke clearly, “how did she sound?”
I waved my hand and rolled my eyes. “She’s nervous, yes, but she knows she can trust you both. I really just hope you remember to trust her, too.”
“I will not assume that I understand this fixation on a human, son, but you are right. She deserves our respect and assistance if this is what she really wants. There is much to discuss today.”
Jasper rose, making some excuse about forgetting to turn off the lights on his car, but I knew better – he was going to lock the overhead garage door so Alice couldn’t get to our babies before she had a chance to cool down. I was grateful – Emmie would never let me live it down if Alice mangled another one of our vehicles over my mouth.
The last time she went all Alice on my car, she took the steering wheel to Emmie at the bar, presenting it to him like a trophy. My crime? I had “redone” her closet so that her silks were mixed with her satins. Her color coded system was in complete disarray by the time I was finished. It was a boring Sunday and I needed something to do.
Jasper had left the house when he walked by Alice’s room and saw what I was up to. He got as far away from the scene of the crime as possible. He loved me, but he wasn’t about to go down with me. Later that night he went down on me, but that is a different story altogether. My steering wheel now resided on the wall just to the right of the entrance to The Flow, Emmie’s little joke at my expense.
I started the fight, and Alice finished it. That was just her style. I knew she was stronger than she gave herself credit for, so I didn’t fret about giving her a little grief right now. Mom and Dad had open hearts and open minds, and they would help her make this work – I was the mind reader, after all.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Alice POV
I hit the accelerator again. This light turned green much faster than the last. Thank goodness.
Haze….Bella greeting me at the door this evening, eyeing me expectantly. I throw my arms around her, kissing her shoulder as I bury myself in the safety of her arms. She laughs; her arms come up to clutch my shoulder blades.
With that one vision, I knew I was doing the right thing. The fear left my body as I exhaled
slowly, and my posture shifted. The fearsome little vampire suddenly transformed into the fearless pixie.
I had nothing to fear. My family loved me and understood me more than any others on earth.
Pulling into the driveway, I took in the warm glow of the house. My family was inside. My family. They were the people who mattered most in this world, aside from my lover who was waiting for me at our home.
I shifted into park, opened my door, squared my shoulders, and danced up the sidewalk and steps. Esme greeted me at the door, putting her arms around my shoulders and bringing me in for a tight mother hug. Carlisle stood behind her, a warm smile greeting me.
Behind them, I spied my brothers. Jasper and Edward rose from the sofa and stood with their arms draped around each other’s waists. Jasper grinned and he tipped his head forward a bit in greeting – always the Southern gentleman.
Edward gave me the thumbs up.
Edward was right. Mom and Dad would understand, but I needed to get the words out of my mouth.
I am Alice Cullen, I am a vampire, and I deserve love. I deserve Bella.
Is that what an out of body experience felt like? Esme was tugging me into the house, her hands on my shoulders. Carlisle motioned for us all to go into the living room. I plastered a smile onto my face, took a deep but unnecessary breath, and took a seat on the couch. Edward sat down next to me, Jasper on his other side. It was as if the two men were showing their solidarity with their little sister, and I liked it. Maybe I wouldn’t go all hellpixie on Edward for the stunt he pulled earlier.
Coming back down and centering myself, I looked across at Carlisle and Esme. They love me. They’re not going to stop loving me. Let’s just get this over with.
“Mom? Dad? I, um, I have something I need to talk to you about.”
Esme grasped Carlisle’s hand but looked at me with nothing but peace in her eyes.
“First, I want you to know how much I love you. You two are the most amazing parents and friends a vampire could have.”
Carlisle’s face softened. “Alice, you are our little kitten. Having you with us makes this family whole.”
Wow. Dad’s so sweet sometimes.
“I don’t feel like I’m being totally honest with you about something, and I just want to apologize for that. Mom, Dad….I’m gay.”
I don’t know what it was like for humans to say those words and mean them, really mean them, but for me it was like the opening of a door. It was as if a thousand pound weight was being lifted off my shoulders. I could bear it for eternity, but once it was gone I hadn’t realized just how much I was weighed down by it. I felt as if I could float.
The door was opening for me; I felt as if I was laying out in full sunshine with my diamond skin sparkling for the world to see. I was whole. Being a lesbian did not make me less of a vampire, and being a vampire did not make me less of a woman. Being honest with myself and my family made me complete.
Esme had risen from her sofa and was now kneeling before me. She took my hands in hers, squeezed them, and her eyes were so loving as she spoke. “My dear, dear Alice, thank you for being open with us. I must say I have had my suspicions for a while, but dear heart, nothing has changed. If anything, I feel closer to you now because you are being open with us.”
I’m not sure if I heard her correctly. Edward was poking me in the ribs with his elbow. Yeah, you were right, Edward. They are pretty cool, I told him silently.
“Alice,” Carlisle smiled at me from across the room. “I think I speak for Esme as well when I tell you that as your father of sorts I am very proud of you for your honesty. I hope you did not worry very much about what our reaction would be.”
I paused. This was the tricky part. “Well, to be honest, I wasn’t too worried about that. But there is more.”
Esme returned to Carlisle on their couch, and again their hands were clasped. “Go ahead dear,” Esme said. Oh, they knew what was coming, all right. I could just tell.
I looked at Edward and Jasper. Edward nodded, and Jasper’s eyes were flitting back and forth from Mom and Dad to me. Both were encouraging me to continue.
I got it out in one sentence. “I’ve been living with someone for 6 months and I’m completely in love and I know you’ll love her too and her name is Bella and she’s human and she really wants to meet you.”
Crickets chirped outside. A car drove past our driveway going 47 miles per hour. A bird landed on the back deck railing. The grandfather clock in the sitting room chimed. No sound was coming from my parents, however. It was a bit…uncomfortable.
I started again. “What I meant to say was…”
Carlisle interrupted me. “Alice, just give us a moment. When Edward and Jasper mentioned this to us we were concerned.”
Esme added, “I think terrified would be a better description, dear.”
He nodded at her. “But we want to understand this. Alice, I am not going to begin to ask about the intimate portions of your life with Bella. I assume since you have been with her for 6 months without incident that you are able to….control yourself in certain ways?”
“Dad, there’s not a single part of me that wants to drink her blood. You and Mom showed me how to be strong about that decades ago.” It was true, despite the occasional twinge in my throat and the fact that her blood smelled to me of the richest perfume in the world, I would never hurt my love in that way. She was not there for my consumption; on the contrary, it was I who would serve her for the rest of time if she would have me.
“She makes me happy, and for the first time in my life my whole being has been consumed by the need to make someone else happy. I cannot describe it.”
Esme squeezed Carlisle’s hand gently and the two shared a loving glance at each other. “You do not need to describe it, Alice,” Esme replied with a gentle smile at her husband.
“Mom, Dad, I know the risks. Bella understands the risks. She has told no one of who we really are.” If I could cry, I would be sobbing right now. My heart was overflowing with love for my Bella, and with fear that my family would reject her. So far Edward and Jasper had been somewhat lukewarm to the idea of my love for a human, but I was still trying to gauge the reactions of my parents.
Carlisle returned his gaze to me. “Alice, we just want you to be safe. The implications of being with a human in the way you are could be disastrous, not only for you but for the entire family. If something were to happen between you two, if you were to break up, what is to keep Bella from letting others know what we really are? Safety is my main concern here, both for us and for Bella.”
I understood where he was coming from. Thankfully my beautiful brother Edward came to my rescue. “I don’t think that will be an issue. From what I’ve seen of both Alice’s and Bella’s thoughts, I do not see them separating.”
And just like that the haze was closing in on me again. Bella and I are in a strange car, pulling up to Carlisle and Esme’s house. She is leaning over to kiss my cheek as she opens the passenger door. She steps out onto the sunlit driveway and….sparkles???
I should have been appalled, I think. A normal reaction would have been to be terrified and disgusted that something was going to happen to rip Bella’s humanity away. As the haze lifted, however, I found myself sitting there with my hands under my thighs like a schoolgirl, smiling.
“Alice?” Jasper asked. “You okay? You kind of zoned out for a minute.”
Edward was glaring at me. “Yes, Jasper, she’s fine,” he hissed through clenched teeth.
Edward, don’t. Just don’t. Just let me have a minute and then we’ll talk. He nodded ever so slightly and his facial expression returned almost back to normal.
I was back to business. “So, that’s what I came to talk to you today about. I love her, I really do, and I would very much like for you two to meet her.”
“Of course, darling,” Esme reassured me. This was going much better than I could have hoped. “When would you like to bring her over?”
-o-o-o-o-o-
I turned the key in the lock to our apartment, and before I could begin to push it an inch it was ripped wide open by my beautiful Bella. Just as I had seen earlier, she was eyeing me expectantly. I threw my arms around her, kissing her shoulder as I buried myself in the safety of her arms. She laughed, her arms coming up to clutch my shoulder blades.
“Baby!” she giggled as I kept walking and pushing her into the apartment. “How did it go?”
My right leg reached back, caught the edge of the door, and whipped it shut. My beautiful Bella, the joy of my heart, was running her hands up and down my back. “It was incredible,” I assured her.
She pulled back and looked intently at me. “So they know? And they’re okay with…with everything?”
I clutched her back into my arms, kissing her ear. “Yes, baby, and they want to meet you. Did you hear me? They want to meet you tomorrow!” Suddenly I realized that maybe that’s too soon for her, perhaps she needed a little time to prepare to meet the in-laws. “But we can wait if you’d like, I mean, we don’t have to go over tomorrow. I can tell them we’ll come over next weekend or something,” I stammered.
She laughed. “Oh my God, Alice! I’ve been waiting to meet your parents for six months, silly!”
Bella and I swayed back and forth, our jubilation flowing between our bodies. At this moment I was so filled with ecstatic energy I could barely keep myself together, but I knew I couldn’t unleash the power of the pixie altogether or I would crush my lover.
Suddenly Bella went tense. “Oh no, what am I going to wear?” She pulled me down the hallway, our laughter floating behind us. In the bedroom she flipped on the closet light and started feverishly yanking outfits out. My clothes having been neatly put away while I was gone, the floor was now littered with skirts, dresses, pants, and blouses as Bella eyed her clothing one by one and threw them down.
She was beautiful in her focus. I knew she wanted to make a good impression on my family, but I was getting a bit impatient – okay, a LOT impatient.
I stepped behind her as she flicked a hanger from right to left, then moved on to the next one. She appraised the blouse, tsked softly, then flicked it left to join the other rejects. My hands reached around her and rest atop hers, stilling her mad clothing dash.
My beautiful Bella sighed and I felt her relax slightly. “You’re right,” she chuckled. “I kind of pulled an Alice there, didn’t I?” She rested the back of her head on my shoulder.
“No, Bella,” I brushed her long, silken hair off the side of her neck so I could press my lips there. “You are….” Kiss. “One hundred percent…” Kiss a little lower. “Your own woman.” Kiss. “And I love you.” My other hand moved to her waist, my palm gliding lightly toward her warm, flat belly where it rested.
I kissed down the side of her neck ever so slowly. I wanted to calm her down, and it was working for the most part, but the closer I got her shoulder the more I just wanted her.
Bella had perfected the art of the slow, seductive turn. It was like a sexy little corkscrew move. It always made me weak in the knees and left my panties in a bunch. I think it had something to do with the way the movement started at her face – turning slightly to watch me out of the corner of her eye, then proceeded so that her shoulders joined the rotation, then her hips, then her knees, until she faced me.
We were no longer jubilant or nervous. We were simply Alice and Bella. Her eyes flicked back and forth from my lips to my eyes, and she did that thing that made me wet every time: her bottom lip tucked into her mouth and she bit down gently. I’m the strong one, right? Well, when my little human started guiding me backward toward the bed I had absolutely no will or power to resist her.
There was nothing in the world that could captivate me like the slow burn of Bella’s gaze. She thought I’m stronger than she is, that somehow being a vampire made me more of a woman because I could crush granite. The truth is, she held me with a tighter grip than she could ever imagine.
She owned me; there was no doubt about it. This gorgeous, sexy, brilliant woman owned every part of my mind, body, and soul.
No comments:
Post a Comment